I know you’re busy getting ready to travel around the world and trying to slim down to fit down all those chimneys, but I’ve been very good this year and was hoping my good girl status would earn me a coveted spot on the Nice List. I’ve thought long and hard about the following items on my Christmas list, and I believe they’re quite reasonable requests.
I hope you have a safe trip! Don’t forget to charge your GPS. And please don’t text and drive. I’m leaving a plate of cookies for you, although the stress of the holiday season can only be mitigated by chocolate so I can’t promise the cookies will still be there upon your arrival. I’m sure Rudolph will share his carrots.
So here is my Christmas list in Top 10 format for your convenience…
- A clone of myself so she can tackle my to-do list while I’m working, sleeping, eating, exercising, spending time with family and friends, and putting my feet up with a glass of wine and a good book
- The addition of an hour to the end of each day and a zero to the end of my salary
- The complete eradication of germs, traffic, and hangovers
- A fountain of youth (lol)
- A housekeeper, chef, personal trainer, and reliable baby-sitter, all on-call 24 hours a day who work not for money but for hi-fives
- Snotty, backstabbing, competitive, overly sensitive people. Oh wait, I already have that. So yeah, the exact opposite of that.
- The power to teleport my husband, family and friends to visit me whenever I want
- Running gear that makes me run twice as fast, gives me twice the endurance, and burns twice as many calories while simultaneously tightening my abs, toning my triceps, and forgiving my lack of willpower for all things chocolate
- A magical anti-whine potion to slip into my kid’s breakfast every morning
- The rewiring of my puppy’s internal clock so I can sleep past 5:45 AM without 50 pounds of energy pouncing on me
Thank you for your consideration Santa! Ho ho ho Merry Christmas!
A Soldiers Lover